Do Be Do Be Do

Are you a “do/be-er” or a “be/do-er”?

We all have our own, personal, unique ways of being, and ways of doing.  I’ve noticed that, particularly in our American culture, most people seem to be do/be-ers, and I was one of them. Now that I’ve shifted to become more of a be/do-er, I feel more empowered and intentioned.  After all, there must be a reason we’re called human beings, and not human doings.

Culture and environment play big roles in whether we’re raised to be more of a do/be-er or be/do-er, although it’s nice to know that you can choose the way that works best for you. Like everything in life, to learn or master something new, change a behavior or a way of being, it’s a matter of practice.

A do/be-er tends to do things, and then be a certain way, a way that may be conscious or unconscious. Then it’s on to the next thing to do. This is great for getting tasks done, achieving results and feeling productive and successful. It can also get in the way of living a deeper, more meaningful and fulfilling life.

A be/do-er has a more conscious awareness of how they are be-ing first, and then they do. They have an ability to remain present and aware to how they are being, how they show up, and they bring more intentionality to their actions. This is great for connecting authentically with oneself and others, and feeling congruent (saying and doing what you mean and meaning and doing what you say), and it can also get in the way by causing you to not get things done or feel unproductive.

I invite you to think about which one you are presently, how you’ve been in the past, and how you’d like to be going forward.  Which way seems to offer more satisfaction and freedom of choice?  If your answer is be/do-er, then choose one way you can practice, starting today. It can be as simple as noticing when someone or something challenges you in a way that normally has you do something that you’d prefer to handle differently.

For example, I got a puppy last year, and sometimes if we’re not looking or someone leaves a chair pulled out, she’ll get up on the dining table. Instead of doing what I used to do, which was yell “Zoey!” and go get her down, I try to be calm in my body and mind with a deep breath, look at her and say “Zoey, down” in a normal tone of voice. I remind myself that, although she’s smart, she’s a dog, NOT a human.  Sometimes I’ll still yell her name and my husband will calmly say, “that obviously doesn’t work.”  Then I’ll say “yeah, I know. I’m working on it.”

Now that I’m more of a be/doer, I can honestly say that I feel like I have much more freedom of choice in terms of understanding how I make decisions or react in situations, and what are the motivations underlying my actions.  I’m in a better position to choose which actions I want to take that I know will serve my higher self and that of others, which is empowering.

One of my favorite quotes is from psychologist Victor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response lies a space. Within that space lies our freedom and power to choose. Within our choices lies our growth and our happiness.” It’s all about first noticing how we are being in those moments that challenge us the most, (gets us angry, upset, etc.) deciding how we want to be, and then choosing to do something that will grow us and take us in the direction that we’re wanting.

It’s not just about showing up and doing, which of course is important, but more importantly, it’s how we show up that’s most important.  If you can bring more awareness to being what you want to see more of in yourself and others (maybe it’s compassion, or patience, whatever it is for you), then you’ll do that which will reflect how you’re choosing to be.  And that congruency will feel good, and will make others feel good too.  Less yelling at the dog makes me feel good and less stressed, which makes everyone else in the house feel that way too.

As Maya Angelou says, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

If becoming more of a be/do-er sounds appealing to you, than what’s one practice you can commit to experimenting with today that will shift you more into that way of being?   What might challenge you today that can serve as an opportunity to try it out?  How will you know when it’s happened? Who will be the first to notice? Imagining the quality of that experience, what does it feel like?  Enjoy what that’s doing for you right now, and know that you have the power to make that happen anytime.