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Procrastination, Pincha Mayurasana & Peaches

The following is from my June 2013 free monthly newsletter. Click here for full newsletter.

Procrastination

“Never put off till tomorrow, what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
- Mark Twain
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Are you being as productive as you want? If not, is it due to procrastination? Studies show that 20 percent of people are ‘chronic procrastinators’ – those who make the habit of putting things off a lifestyle practice. That’s higher than rates of depression, phobias or ADD! Learn more.

This issue affects so many people (about 75% of college students), there’s actually a Biennial International Meeting on the Study and Treatment of Procrastination. I’m surprised it’s not it’s own disorder in the DSM (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).

Here are some key takeaways from my events:
* Procrastination is mainly about poor self-regulation and excellent self-deception.
* The five main lies that procrastinators tell themselves, according to procrastination expert, Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D., are:
Overestimating the time they have left to perform tasks.
Underestimating the time it takes to complete tasks.
Overestimating how motivated they will feel the next day, the next week, the next month — whenever they are putting things off until.
Mistakenly thinking that succeeding at a task requires that they feel like doing it.
Mistakenly believing that working when not in the mood is suboptimal.
Read here about overcoming procrastination.
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“If it weren’t for the last minute, I wouldn’t get anything done.” – unknown
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Pincha Mayurasana (Feathered Peacock Pose)

“At the approach of the rainy season, peacocks dance. When they start, they lift up their trailing tail feathers and spread them to form fans …
This pose resembles that of a peacock starting his dance.” – BKS Iyengar, Light on Yoga
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My yoga teacher, Lori Salomon, and me, doing the peacock dance, ha. This pose is a fun forearm balance, and what I like to call pinch-a my ass-ana.

It’s my favorite pose, partly because it feels so great, and partly because it took a while to master kicking up into it without the wall (in my many years with Lori!), which is why it feels so rewarding.

Lori says: “Pincha Mayurasana is powerful work for the shoulders! It cultivates awareness and tone through the entire body, and evokes the stability required for a safe headstand. Become comfortable in this pose and develop the mobility and strength required to progress into more complex arm balances and backbends.” Watch a video of Lori getting into the pose.

To get into Scorpion pose, just bend your knees. As much as I feel like my feet are near my head, they’re not even close!
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Peaches

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” – Dita Von Teese
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Happy peach season! Wow are they delicious in California right now.

The peach tree originated over 3,000 years ago in China, and is now one of the most popular fruit trees in the world.

Peaches are high in fiber, which helps with digestion, and they contribute a substantial amount of potassium, a mineral needed to start and transmit nerve impulses, maintain the fluid equilibrium in cells, and for normal muscle activity. And they are low in carbs and calories.

Make peaches part of a healthy, brain-boosting Mediterranean diet, which Dr. Oz, and other nutrition experts, say is the healthiest diet in the world. Learn more.
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Val’s Peach/Raspberry Pie

Recipe (see full newsletter on Past Issues of Newsletter page)

“Nothing in lif…

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.” – Marie Curie

Discover the Power of ADHD/ADD Coaching

Why are the top organizations and leaders in the field of ADHD/ADD now recommending coaching as an effective and important part of treatment? 

Because it works.  And don’t just take my word for it.

Widely respected organizations and individuals such as the National Institute of Mental Health, Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (CHADD), Russell Barkley (ADHD: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment), Edward Hallowell (Driven to Distraction), and the Edge Foundation, have endorsed Coaching as a vital missing link for achieving success.

Drs. Barkley and Hallowell both agree that with effective treatment, including therapy, and notably, coaching, individuals with ADHD/ADD can achieve their potential.

If you’ve been hearing about ADD Coaching, and you’re considering trying it out, here’s what I consider to be the  Top 3 Reasons why it’s so empowering:

1.  Focus. It helps you stay focused and on task with setting and achieving goals through continual positive encouragement and support. This leads to feeling more in control, having more confidence, being more accountable, and achieving more success in managing many aspects of life.

First, in their book, “Driven to Distraction” (Pantheon Books, New York, 1994), Hallowell and Ratey say: “We particularly like the idea of a coach. …It may be a friend or a colleague, anyone who knows something about ADD and is willing to put in the time–ten or fifteen minutes a day–to coach. …The person with ADD will greatly benefit from having a ‘coach,’ someone standing on the sidelines with a whistle around his neck calling out encouragement, instructions, and reminders, and in general helping to keep things going on task. People with ADD thrive with this sort of structured encouragement, and they feel lost without it… Mainly, the coach keeps the player focused on the task at hand and offers encouragement along the way.”

2.  Strengths and gifts. Helps you uncover and develop your strengths so you can cultivate your creative gifts. This leads to feeling a deeper connection with the positive aspects of your ADD.   

“In the midst of all the chaos swirling through your brain, all the disorganization and impulsiveness, the condition (ADHD) also seems to trigger a certain kind of creativity.” – David Neeleman, 
CEO of JetBlue

Other brilliant, creative minds who are believed to have, or have had, ADD, to name a few: Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Thomas Edison, Einstein, Ben Franklin, Mozart, Van Gogh, Picasso, Michael Phelps, Michael Jordan, Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, Frank Lloyd Wright.

3.  Better understanding of ADD.  Helps you understand the latest research in ADD and develop strategies to take action and better manage common ADD challenges.  This leads to feeling more informed (knowledge is power), and feeling like you have tools you can use to start creating the future you want.

The major ADD challenge areas that most coaches work on are:

• goal setting
• scheduling
• organizing
• confidence building
• focusing
• prioritizing
• persisting at tasks

This is an exciting time in ADHD/ADD research. The expansion of knowledge in genetics, brain imaging, and behavioral research is leading to a better understanding of causes and how to develop more effective treatments.  A qualified coach who is knowledgeable about ADD is an invaluable resource to support your success.

What’s more important than your success with ADD and your overall well-being?  Taking the first step in reaching out to hire a coach is the hardest part.  What’s keeping you from doing it?  Coaching has been helping thousands of people, so call one today and find out if coaching can help you too.

I hope this article helped you to see the benefits of ADD Coaching, and inspired you to contact a coach and discover for yourself, the power of ADD Coaching.

Valerie Davis-Rucker is a Certified Life, Executive and ADD Coach with Here2there Coaching. To learn more about Valerie, visit her website at www.here2therecoaching.com, or email her at here2therecoaching@gmail.com.

A How-to Guide for Career Changes in Mid-life – 10 Steps

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”   - George Eliot

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor….  Explore. Dream. Discover.”  – Mark Twain

Are you feeling like it’s time to recreate or reinvent yourself for a mid-life career transition due to:

• A recent job loss?
• Dissatisfaction with your current job?
• A new interest, or desire to revisit something you wish you would have pursued?
• Wanting a change, a new challenge, work that’s more meaningful or satisfying?

You’re not alone.  Recent research in career development shows that people change jobs, and even careers, as much as 7 to 10 times in their working life.  I’ve done it myself, with about 4-5 different jobs/careers since college.

If you’re someone who’s known what you wanted to do since a young age, that’s great. How many of you knew in middle school what you wanted to do? high school? college? after college? grad school? after grad school?  2^nd grad school?  after that?  Well, that last one would be me.  And this seems to be more the norm than not.

Experiencing a midlife career change and seeking career advice is a growing trend for us over 40 types who thrive on change and personal growth.  Whatever your reasons, it’s important to have a plan. Thoughts and ideas about it are great, though nothing’s going to happen until you take action.

10 Action Steps

 1. Ask yourself if you feel it’s time for a change.  If so, what kind?

What’s going on for you that’s having you feel like it’s time for a career change? Could you make changes in your current job to make it more satisfying and meaningful? Are there HR people you can speak with about other opportunities within your company? Do you want to explore other career ideas and possibilities?

 2. Make an inventory of your accomplishments & competencies.

List your valuable experiences and successes in all your life roles, not just professional jobs.  Write down everything you do well and ask others to share their perceptions.  Organizing big social events, coaching kids’ sports, being a class mom, can demonstrate leadership and organizational
 skills.  Maybe you  manage your family’s finances, or you volunteer with, or serve on boards of things like the PTA, Toastmasters, community groups or non-profits.

3. List the things you absolutely love to do

What did you love doing as a child (in elementary/middle school) that you still love?  If you weren’t limited by money or time, what would you be doing? What’s the quality of that experience?  If you listened to and followed your heart, what is it saying?  How would you spend your ideal day?  Imagine the physical setting you’d be in –Indoors? Outdoors? Small room or large open space? Few people or many? What kind of people are around? How would you be relating to them? What activities would you engage in? Is it structured or flexible? What’s the pace? Are you more relaxed or excited?

4.  List your values & satisfactions

What matters most to you and why?  Consider values like autonomy, altruism, creativity, respect, family, community, power, financial gain or independence, intellectual stimulation, leadership, knowledge, travel, etc.  What’s the #1 problem you’d solve in the world if you could?  Why? Where do you derive the greatest satisfaction? Doing things that help others? Working in a team with other people? Working alone? Doing activities that produce tangible results? Traveling?

5.  Gather Information

Once you have your lists of accomplishments, skills, competencies, values, and passions, you can start gathering information on careers that fit your personal description. Your goal is to create a list of options, not to find the one “right” career.  Include every job that intrigues you, regardless of whether you have the required skills for it. Research people and companies you admire and respect in different career fields. Check your alumni association for names of people with whom you can connect.  Check out professional associations.  Ask your friends, either in person or on social media, if they know anyone.  Search the Internet and college/university career libraries. One resource is Bureau of Labor Statistics and their  Occupational Outlook Handbook at http://www.bls.gov/oco/home.htm.  If interested, take some personality assessments that provide suggestions for careers you’d be well suited for. A great site for these types of tests is www.similarminds.com.  It’s also important to gather information in the area of your financial situation, in order to figure out what you need to make this change, and how you’ll manage financially as you move through the process.

6.  Do informational interviews

Contact people in that field to ask if you could do an informational interview. Ask your potential interviewee if they’d be willing to spend 15-20 minutes with you to discuss their work, either on the phone or in person.  Come up with a list of questions, such as:  How did they get into the field?  What did they wish they knew when they first started? What education, skills, credentials, qualities are needed to break into the field to be successful? What are some positive and negative aspects of the job? etc.

7.  Narrow Your Focus

As you complete the previous steps, you’ll become more clear, focused, and you’ll narrow down your options. When you’ve narrowed it down to what you really want, volunteer or take a short-term, part-time position to see how this new career would feel.  Or take some classes to see if you want to pursue further studies. If you like it and it’s something you can afford to do now, great. If not now, how can you prepare yourself financially so you can be in a position to make the change in the near future?

8.  Write down your Vision & Mission Statements

I believe it’s just as important for individuals as it is for organizations to create these.  I found this exercise a great way to help me figure out the future I want to create, and map out how I’m going to make it happen. And whether or not I end up being successful or not, it’s something important enough for me to commit myself to for its own sake, not because I’m attached to an outcome. It’s worth doing whether I succeed or fail. (For more information on criteria that goes into creating these statements, please see one of my previous blog posts).  Here are my examples:

My Personal Vision Statement

“I see the expansion of human consciousness and greater wellbeing through the increased understanding of neuroscience and the growth of effective mindfulness and empowerment techniques from the merging fields of psychology, Eastern spirituality, yoga, education and life coaching.” 

My Mission Statement

“My mission is to empower people to better understand themselves by providing the highest quality of coaching that focuses on the whole person; by cultivating my own personal awareness and growth; by staying current on latest developments in neuroscience, psychology, education and coaching; by speaking and connecting with people on a deep and authentic level; by freely sharing ideas, theories and models of empowerment in the forms of workshops, public speaking, writing and coaching; by staying committed to my yoga practice, embodying those tools both on and off the mat; and by using all appropriate therapeutic approaches and evidence-based modalities to achieve optimal health and well-being.

9.  Be patient.

How often do you hear this?  Of course it’s easier said than done, especially in the early stages of a career change. Being patient is something I continue to feel frustrated about, which is why it’s one of my top priorities to work on in 2012. Find strategies that work for you to help you reduce the stress and anxiety that naturally come from this process.  For me, it’s my yoga practice and hikes with my dog and friends, or just spending time at home with family. Don’t underestimate the importance of getting support from friends, family, a coach, career counselor, etc.

10.  Trust the process.

Also, easier said than done.  However, if you go through all the previous steps, and you align with your heart and deeper values and commit to staying on that path, it can only lead to something positive, meaningful and fulfilling.  Also, think back to when you went through similar situations. How did you get through them and what worked to help you then that might work again now?  Or what were the lessons you took away from those experiences that grew you in a way you didn’t expect?  Is there a way of seeing how those experiences can help you trust the process you’re in now?

Taking a reflective stance is essential in developing yourself and transforming your thoughts and actions to successfully recreate or reinvent yourself.

Here are a few more challenging questions to be asking yourself in this process:

• Who are you? 
Who do you want to be? What needs to shift in order to bridge that gap?
• What do you want – really?
• What’s important to you?
• What are your dreams, hopes and aspirations?
• Where do you want to be in 6 months, one year, 3 years?
• What options do you have?
• Are you ready to recreate or reinvent your life?
• What would you regret not doing in your lifetime?
• What subject would you go back to study?
• What are your deepest conversations obsessing about?
• Who do you find yourself voluntarily spending time with? What might that be an indication of?

I hope this helps to stimulate your thought process if you are considering a career change in mid life, or anytime. If you’re interested in working with me on this issue, these are the kinds of coaching questions we would explore and discuss together.

I look forward to hearing from you if you’d like to provide feedback on this article, or if you’d like to contact me about a possible coaching relationship.

What are you going to commit to in 2012 that will be an investment in your future?

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”   - George Eliot

Happy New Year!! 10 Takeaways from 2011

10 Takeaways from 2011

1. Santa still comes and is very generous, even during challenging economic times.
2. Challenging economic times makes me more focused on, and appreciative of, how much I do have, and how much I don’t need.
3. I do need to start knitting my gift scarves earlier.
4. I also need to not smother my 6^th grade boy, which is not easy and makes me a bit sad at times knowing this is a big transition year. It’s just hard when he’s so sweet, adorable, huggable and kissable.
5. Marketing oneself with a new business & dealing with all this social media ‘stuff’ is annoying, uncomfortable, and brings up much resistance. ugghh… That’s why I’m committing to making this one of my priorities in 2012.
6. I’m grateful for my job in five high schools. Teaching teens, counseling one-on-one, and facilitating groups is fun, rewarding and continues to be a learning experience.
7. I loved being a guest speaker for master’s level students at Dominican, and I proved to myself that if I can successfully do that, there’s no reason I can’t do more of it in 2012 & beyond. Toastmasters is finally paying off. Another goal for 2012: more speaking & teaching, which also means more writing.
8. It feels great to choose an area of coaching specialization that I enjoy, can relate to (for sure) and want to pursue more – adult ADD. It’s also great to figure out a name for my work: Mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioral Coaching.
9. I really, really enjoy creating an art piece every December with my ‘soul’ friend Alma (based on her technique called Telamadera Fusion). Like yoga, I achieve a sense of ‘flow’ (see my previous blog entry about ‘achieving flow’), which is rewarding just for its own sake.
10. I have so much to be grateful for, especially the love of my husband, son, stepdaughters, family, and friends, and the opportunity to do work that I love and that helps others in a positive way. Relationships are what truly matter and what give life a real sense of meaning and purpose.

Why We Need To Give Teens a Break

Teens will be teens.  Even over 2,300 years ago, Aristotle said:

       “The young are heated by Nature as drunken men by wine”. 

Can you guess who wrote the following quote?

        “Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”

 

I’ll give you a hint:  It’s a Greek philosopher who lived about 100 years before Aristotle…. Socrates!  How is it that not much has changed in all these years?

In a recent article entitled “The New Science of the Teenage Brain” (National Geographic, October, 2011), author David Dobbs attempts to answer that.

He reveals a new way that neuroscientists describe the teenage years as ‘adaptive adolescence,’ meaning 1) they’re adapting to their changing brains that are not yet fully developed until age 25, and 2) they’re preparing themselves for the imminent scary task of leaving the nest.

Whether you have a teen, are a teen, know teens or work with teens, now we know what’s really going on in your/their heads – an electrical, myelination storm.

Typical traits of teens   

Angst, idiocy, haste, impulsiveness, selfishness, recklessness, thrill and sensation seeking, risk taking, openness to the new, excitement, novelty, company of peers. Sound familiar?  These traits and behaviors, seen in all cultures, modern or tribal, define adolescence and make us more adaptive, as individuals and as a species.

Some may consider these traits dysfunctional. If so, then how did they survive selection, if dysfunctional traits typically get selected out?  Dobbs says that maybe those traits don’t really characterize adolescence and they’re just what we notice because they annoy us or put kids in danger. So then, what valuable function do they serve?

Value of these traits

How do traits that seem dysfunctional serve a valuable purpose?

Sensation seeking, for example, does not necessarily mean impulsive. It could be planned (i.e. racing a car at 100 mph on a long, isolated stretch of highway), and it could lead to positive behaviors, such as an urge to meet more people, widen one’s circle of friends – making us happier, healthier, safer, and more successful.

The hunt for sensation provides inspiration to get out of the house to new terrain, which is practice for what teens will be having to do when it’s time to really leave home. The hunt for novelty and trying to top each new thrill with another, more intense one is actually helping them find their path.

Teens are figuring out who they are and who they want to be. Questioning parents’ beliefs is normal and healthy in order to develop a sense of identity.  Teens prefer the company of those their own age because it’s a way to test out different identities to see which one fits, and it’s a way to invest in the future (peers) versus the past (parents).  If they will live in a world run and remade by their peers, than knowing and building relationships with them bears on future success.  Studies show that socially savvy rats or monkeys get best nesting areas or territories, most food and water, more allies, more sex with better and fitter mates, etc. In our society, that seems to apply to people as well.

Teen brains: what’s happening in there?

Brains go through massive reorganization between the 12^th and 25^th year.

Teens are learning to use their brain’s new networks. Stress, fatigue, challenges can cause misfire (which some call ‘neural gawkiness’ – like physical gawkiness teens can have while mastering growing bodies).

Neural remodeling

Adolescent brain remodeling is like a network and wiring upgrade.  Axons (long nerve fibers that neurons use to send signals to others) become more insulated with myelin (fatty white matter), which boosts the axon’s transmission speed.  This process is called myelination, which is important for learning.  Once it’s complete in our mid-20s, it’s harder to change.  If myelination was completed in our teens, we would lose flexibility for all the important learning that needs to take place as we separate and individuate.

Also, dendrites (branchlike extensions used to receive signals) grow twiggier in our teens. The most heavily used synapses grow stronger, and synapses with little use start to wither (i.e. use ‘em or lose ‘em). This is why it’s the best time to cultivate skills in areas like languages, instruments, sports, etc.

Memory, decision making, vulnerability to addiction

Other links are strengthening too, such as between the hippocampus (memory directory) and frontal areas that plan and set goals, which helps us better integrate memory and experience into our decisions.  Teens make less use of these brain regions that monitor performance, spot errors, consider consequences, plan, and stay focused – areas adults bring online automatically as needed. Teens use these areas less often and more easily give in to impulse – i.e. looking away from the road to a text message.

In adolescence, there’s a peak in the brain’s sensitivity to dopamine – the neurotransmitter that fires reward circuits and aids in learning patterns and making decisions (which is what makes teens more vulnerable to addictions).

The teen brain is similarly attuned to oxytocin – the neural hormone that makes social connections more rewarding, which is partly why teens perceive social rejection as a threat to their existence. To them, it actually feels that way.  And although they understand risks of smoking, unprotected sex, etc, they tend to give more weight to pleasures and rewards than to costs or consequences.

Conclusion 

This new view of the adolescent brain – the ‘adaptive-adolescent’, views teens less as rough drafts than as exquisitely sensitive, highly adaptable creatures wired almost perfectly for the job of moving from the safety of home into the complicated world outside.  We’re used to seeing adolescence as a problem, when actually it’s a highly functional, adaptive period. The teen brain produces a creature optimally primed to leave a safe home and move into unfamiliar territory, the hardest and most critical thing we ever do.

Teens may not be very different than they ever were.  It’s just that now we have neuroscience to provide a better understanding as to why. They’re learning to adjust to their new brains and changing neural networks.

Sounds like we need to give them a break and cut them some slack, though not too much.

Tips for parents of teens: 

1)  Engage and guide teens with a light but steady hand.

2)  Stay connected yet allow independence.

3)  Know when to offer kernels of wisdom – knowledge valued not because it comes from parental authority but because it comes from parents’ own struggles to figure out the world.